As a soon-to-be member of the college-graduate class of persons, I feel the need (nay, the duty!) to bestow upon my soon-to-be non-peers various facts, which will invariably help them in their daily endeavors.
1. Shop at Wal-Mart after 10 pm. This will provide you with the following benefits:
a. Due to genetically inherited ignorance, most Wal-Mart shoppers are scared of the dark, believing it to be the time when monsters, werewolves, and Mexicans come out to feed. This renders Wal-Mart virtually uninhabited, allowing you the freedom to dig in the $5.50 movie bin unhindered.
b. Late at night is the only window available to view the elusive “Night Stocker” in their natural environment. It’s been scientifically hypothesized that watching a Wal-Mart Night Stocker for 5 minutes will immediately raise your self-confidence, increase your ego, and make you look more attractive. CAUTION: Aviod direct eye contact!
2. Insert hyphens ad nauseam into any sentence, written or oral.
3. Look up ad nauseam on wikipedia. Repeat for anything else you do not know.
About Me
- Michael Burton
- I think I'm so much cooler than I actually am. In fact, in my head me saying that I'm not cool is an extremely cool thing to do.
3 comments:
Sweet--I already use hyphens--A LOT!!! And I look up everything on wikipedia.
All I need to do is start shopping at Wal Mart and I'm set.
I seriously do look up everything on wikipedia--for hours on end. Oh yeah... and the hyphens... I never really noticed how hyphenated I was until now.
Thanks for putting me in your "Check Out" section, too.
You're both in my section, while I only appear in Tim's. I'm sad.
Mikey! Are you telling me munsters don't come out after dark?
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