There's still snow on the ground.

From earlier.

When it fucking snowed.

In Tucson.

Need proof that global warming is a bunch of liberal tree-hugging crystal-gripping hippie nonsense?

Come to Tucson and look down.

Cold hard facts.

Emphasis on cold.

Seriously though, I’m not awed by snow or anything and I know it’s not unheard-of for it to snow in Tucson, but it’s the first time it’s happened since I’ve been here. And it is freakin’ cold. I can understand why Dante described the lowest levels of Hell as icy, frozen rivers. I feel bad for people who have to endure it. I mean actual people not people in Hell. Because there are no people in Hell. Because there is no Hell. And it’s not even that cold.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I realized something the other day that I can’t believe I’ve never really thought about before. About Christians. It’s insane. I think about it, you know, in my head and I can’t believe that there are people who don’t think it's weird. Emphasis on weird. I’ve studied some pretty messed up pagan cultures, but none of them had the audacity to do what Christians do. Maybe some, but I doubt it. I don’t know how Christians get away with it.

Eating their god.

Chewing up, swallowing, digesting, secreting and flushing away their lord and savior.

Wow.

As a soon-to-be member of the college-graduate class of persons, I feel the need (nay, the duty!) to bestow upon my soon-to-be non-peers various facts, which will invariably help them in their daily endeavors.

1. Shop at Wal-Mart after 10 pm. This will provide you with the following benefits:

a. Due to genetically inherited ignorance, most Wal-Mart shoppers are scared of the dark, believing it to be the time when monsters, werewolves, and Mexicans come out to feed. This renders Wal-Mart virtually uninhabited, allowing you the freedom to dig in the $5.50 movie bin unhindered.

b. Late at night is the only window available to view the elusive “Night Stocker” in their natural environment. It’s been scientifically hypothesized that watching a Wal-Mart Night Stocker for 5 minutes will immediately raise your self-confidence, increase your ego, and make you look more attractive. CAUTION: Aviod direct eye contact!

2. Insert hyphens ad nauseam into any sentence, written or oral.

3. Look up ad nauseam on wikipedia. Repeat for anything else you do not know.